Chris couldn’t sleep anymore. He had difficulties falling asleep at night. He was actually very tired but as he couldn’t get any rest, the sleeping part fell away. Chris never used to go to bed before midnight but lately he was tossing and turning even shortly before three a.m. in the morning, frustrated about not being able to fall asleep. Then he tried it with alcohol. When he drank in the evenings, he got so tired at 11pm that he could fall asleep without an issue. Unfortunately, his sleep didn’t last very long. He would be awake again shortly after, at three a.m. and couldn’t fall back asleep anymore.
His rest phase at night got shorter and shorter and his frustration grew larger and larger.
Next to, or due to the fatigue he also got headaches or stomach aches. Chris didn’t know any other way of how to help himself, other than by getting medicine from the pharmacy to get rid of the pain. After all he had to be functional in his home office. But that was easier said than done. The deadlines were the same as they had been before the corona crisis but somehow, they now felt shorter. Even though the way to work fell away and he actually worked more hours from home, he hardly ever managed to finish his work on time. And when he finally wanted to hand out his work, he noticed at the final read-through that the results weren’t exactly accurate, or he noticed another error.
His level of discomfort rose from day to day. He lived of sandwiches from the bakery, which was in the same building and from alcohol which brought him some relaxation in the evening. He never drank during the day. But he actually wasn’t hungry and then there were days where he didn’t consume anything other than alcohol. He also didn’t feel hungry anymore. In the first three weeks of the lockdown he lost three kg.
Chris himself didn’t know why he felt so bad. His job was secure, the full amount of his salary arrived in a timely manner at the end of the month in his account, his home office offered a wonderful view onto the mountains. Essentially nothing was lacking. But wait…the socials with his colleagues on Friday evening, the football games at the stadium as well as on TV, the visits of his ‘girlfriend’ that now was stuck outside the country in quarantine.
After eight weeks, where he was only a shadow version of himself and his eyes were circled with big black rings, he thought that his only possibility to survive was to quit. To get way from the stress, away from the pressure. To be somewhere in a forest hut without any obligations or appointments. Being able to just do things as opposed to having to do them. He didn’t care about money and his future.
But somehow it never got that far, Chris had a breakdown and was found by his cleaning lady who called an ambulance right away. After that Chris spent several weeks at a sanatorium in the mountains. The insurance company paid for all of it.
Chris’s boss is one year away from being pensioned off. He believes in Chris and told him that his work place is waiting for him. So, it’s actually a good end. We will see if Chris will be able to do go back.
Image source: http://unsplash.com
Michaela Merz 