Michaela Merz

Disappointed expectations

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There is nothing worse than disappointed expectations. Of course one can live with that or maybe it is more accurate to say: “one starts to process”?! It is always hard to say goodbye to dreams which were within one’s grasp. 

I am travelling in Asia for three weeks now. On the second morning in a small bay at the sea I stumble in sandals over a strange stone and an unexpected pain flows from my big toe to the body. I am unable to put pressure on the left foot without being immediately punished with pain.

I hop on for a bit and sit down on the ground. Tears roll over my cheeks and I am close to despair. Ahead of me are three weeks time and countless plans and I foolish pumpkin ruin everything with a misstep. The toe is hurting, even when I don’t move it. I calm down and go over my options. If it is broken, it probably will have to be fixed. But does a broken toe really need fixation? If it is not broken – what else can happen to a toe?

At least this morning it does not look as if I can do the scheduled tour. This day I have no other option than to stay seated, read and cool the big toe in ice. It does hurt but if I’m honest, the pain is tolerable. What is worse is the idea that I have to sit there for the next three weeks and cannot do what I was looking forward to.

I would like to look for Tuk Tuk (a friend) and see what happened to her life, sail in trapeze with seawater splashing in my face, take a few Thai boxing lessons, go running, discover people, life and little everyday beauties, and paddle around the laguna. Okay, maybe I would be able to paddle even with a broken toe!!!

On the second day the toe is as big as a cucumber and has a lovely blue colour. It still hurts and I am inconsolably. Not because of the pain but because of my plans, which are more and more volatilising.

Then my new acquaintance Boa stepped in. She put ointments on the toe, massaged it slightly and suggested that the toe will be fine again in two days. Even though I did not really believe it, I wanted to believe that she is right. And she was right! After two more days, everything was over. I could start realising my plans.

Well, I could not sail because the wind was blowing like mad over 7 BF but that’s a different story because sailing and wind could fill books.

There is nothing worse than disappointed expectations but one shall not forget that first all options have to be tried.

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