Recently, I had a coffee with Leonie. Leonie has three kids, all of them in puberty. This is a challenging period, when many things get out of balance. Not only with the adolescents themselves, but also in the relationship between them and their parents.
Leonie told me about situations, where she simply did not know what to do any more. Of the helplessness, when her offspring has broken all agreed rules. Of the teacher, who calls twice a month and threatens to cancel her oldest contract, if he keeps coming too late and if he stays demotivated and harsh. Leonie told me, that she is at the end of her tether and that sometimes she cries out of desperation. Leonie, who loves her children more than anything, who breathes for them, is tortured by the three of them, consciously or not.
Her three children are currently creating quite a mess and don’t miss a chance to try their nonsense, but they all go to school, respect the law and stay away from drugs. This seems to me a sufficient foundation to believe that everything will fall into place in a couple of years. It takes some time for the frontal lobe of her youngsters to mature and they will get along again just fine.
I know that had it been possible, Leonie would have sent her kids away to a boarding school or maybe a boot camp or the moon. Fortunately this is far too costly. I can lend her an ear, be her safe place to vent for a couple of hours. I know Leonie’s beliefs and her educational work of the last years, which is why I am sure, that her kids surely have internalized her values.
This is why I am not afraid for the four of them. This too shall pass. However, for now, Leonie does not believe me.
Image source: Die vier Hauptlappen des Neokortex (Quelle: Häusel, Hans Georg (Hrsg.), Neuromarketing, 2008, S. 221)