I had dinner plans. As soon as I arrived at the restaurant, my phone rang, and my best friend explained that she was stuck in traffic and would be at least half an hour late. That’s nothing unusual, it happens almost every time. I didn’t get upset. I wanted to read my emails, but the conversation at the next table drew me in and fascinated me. I listened. The volume made it easy to follow without any effort. Here’s what I heard:

Norma and Thomas met at university. Both were studying law. After successfully completing their degrees, they both went on to obtain their law licenses. They moved in together and planned their future. They had agreed on having two careers and sharing family responsibilities. It’s now been 33 years since they got married. In the first year of their marriage, a son was born. He was born with a heart defect. By the time he turned three, he had undergone three surgeries. That time was extremely difficult for everyone, as it was uncertain whether the boy would survive, and if he did, whether there would be lasting developmental issues. With all the doctor’s appointments, Norma returning to her demanding job was out of the question. Norma stayed home and fought with all her might for her son’s life and health. After four years, they could finally say they had made it. Shortly after, a daughter was born, and then another daughter. With three children, one of whom still had some health concerns, and the limited childcare options in Switzerland, it was unthinkable for Norma to return to the professional world.

In the beginning, after the birth of their first son, Thomas was very involved and supported Norma, even attending some of the medical appointments with her. But this only lasted until it was clear that the boy would survive. After that, Thomas reduced his involvement significantly, and eventually, it was Norma who became the family manager while Thomas earned the money. He was an excellent lawyer and made a lot of money. From then on, all family-related appointments were organized solely by Norma. Thomas never attended a single school meeting. Their lives over the past 33 years unfolded in the same space but as if in parallel worlds.

By now, all three children have moved out. The son is working, and the two daughters are still studying, but no longer live at home. The departure of the last child hit Norma hard. Norma and Thomas’s daily routine always looked the same: In the morning, Thomas got ready for the office, kissed Norma on the forehead, and left for work without saying when he would be back. Norma cooked dinner but increasingly found herself eating alone, as Thomas worked late into the evening. When he finally came home, he was tired and hungry and didn’t want to talk. He ate dinner without saying thank you, then watched sports on TV. After that, he kissed Norma on the forehead and went to bed. Norma cleaned the kitchen and went to bed too.

They didn’t do much together on weekends either, as Thomas wanted to play sports and wasn’t really interested in cultural activities. Norma felt increasingly lonely.

That’s the background I understood. However, the conversation was actually about the fact that, over the weekend, Norma had suggested divorce to Thomas. She had prepared the divorce papers, including a proposal for dividing the assets and a solution for their living situation. Thomas was shocked and completely unprepared. Norma told her friend that he kept repeating that he couldn’t understand why. After all, they had such a great life. Norma wondered if she hadn’t told Thomas enough how unhappy she was with their life together.

At that moment, my best friend arrived, and I didn’t hear the rest of the conversation at the next table. I don’t even know if Thomas accepted the divorce. Honestly, I completely understood Norma’s need for change.